What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... or does it?

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

I love the thought of this, because in fact many challenges we face in life do make us stronger. This quote summarizes all of life's troubles suggesting that no matter the severity or pain you've experienced, you will be strengthened. In my own experiences, people have used this phrase as an encouragement. Pain makes people uncomfortable, especially when it's not their own pain. In order to try to ease the heartache of another person we say things like "what doesn't kill you.." or "everything happens for a reason." or "there's always a rainbow after the rain." It's comforting to believe in the silver lining theory emotional devastation. 

More often than not, what doesn't kill you cripples you. Losing my grandmother didn't kill me, but it did break me down and it made me live my life in complete fear that at any given moment I'd have someone else taken from me. Breaking up with my boyfriend didn't kill me, but it tore my heart apart, it left me wounded & weakened, and it made me cynical about love. 

Sayings like this one try to turn every negative situation into a positive one... like it's not ok to say "I'm at rock bottom, I'm broken, and I'm hurting." Instead of someone saying "it will be ok in the end" they should say, "it's not going to be ok, not for a while anyway. You're going to suffer, you're experiencing loss and it's going to hurt like hell." 

I think that hard work makes us stronger. I believe that facing challenges head on gives us strength. But I do not believe that being the victim of abuse, bullying, or neglect makes us stronger. I don't believe that losing someone you love makes gives you any type of strength.

The lesson to be learned is that most routine forms of human suffering are survivable. But more often than not they're more likely to cause weakness than strength, leaving a permanent scar. I don't say this to depress or discourage but rather to urge. Offer people hope in a more realistic way. There's a time and a place for this phrase and generally it isn't in emotional discomfort.